Confessions of a Sports Junkie

As the days go by, I struggle to cope with my loss. I am sure that there are places that offer treatment to help me fight my addiction but I am afraid that no amount of rehab can replace sports. I lay awake at night shaking and shivering as I reminisce about the days when I could easily get my fix. Sweet dreams are interrupted when I wake in a pool of sweat, dreading the aches and pains that plague my every hour.

This is not to say that I do not try to help myself, but all that the television offers is cheap imitations of the high quality product that I crave. Oh, what I would give for just an ounce of sports and its thrills. Even baseball would do, and I despise that dull game. Hardwood Classics and Super Bowl replays do little to wean me off of live action. I have thought of selling my body, like some junkies that I have heard of, but that would do me no good, only robbing me of my honor. Grainy footage of Larry Bird and his shockingly revealing shorts is worthless. It only makes me fidget more as I suffer from frequent pangs of longing.

So I, a recovering addict, beg you to practice social distancing. Your efforts are the only means that might allow me to relapse back into sports consumption. If we do not get back to some sense of normality, I do not know what I will do. Please help to end my suffering. Stay inside.

A pained junkie